Crítica do Incrível Hulk
Publicada no Guardian. Absurdamente sensacional!
Friday June 13, 2008
The Incredible Hulk
‘Critic exit cinema miffed’ … The Incredible Hulk
“Hulk. Smash!” Yes. Hulk. Smash. Yes. Smash. Big Hulk smash. Smash
cars. Buildings. Army tanks. Hulk not just smash. Hulk also go rarrr!
Then smash again. Smash important, obviously. Smash Hulk’s USP. What
Hulk smash most? Hulk smash all hope of interesting time in cinema.
Hulk take all effort of cinema, effort getting babysitter, effort
finding parking, and Hulk put great green fist right through it. Hulk
crush all hopes of entertainment. Hulk in boring film. Film co-written
by star. Edward Norton. Norton in it. Norton write it. Norton not need
gamma-radiation poisoning to get big head. Thing is: Hulk head weirdly
small. Compared with rest of big green body.
Hulk not scary. Hulk look like Shrek. Wait. Critic have … second
thought. Hulk look like Shrek when Shrek turn handsome, in Shrek 2.
Like Gordon Brown. Hulk rubbish. Hulk not look powerful. Especially
when Hulk do jumpy bouncy floaty thing. Over New York buildings. Then
Hulk look wussy. Big. Yet wussy. Not good combination.
Stan Lee have big cameo. Stan Lee keen on self. Previously Stan Lee
just glimpsed. Now Stan in it for 30 seconds. Or more. Stan clearly on
roll. Stan even give Robert Downey Jr cameo. As Iron Man. This very
irritating. Audience supposed to be excited. Audience nod off. Long
Idea is. Dr Bruce Banner – on run. Keep anger under control. Banner
hope not turn into Hulk. Banner live …. in Brazilian slum. Work in
factory. Total babe there fancy Banner. Banner quite fancy babe. But
Banner not make move. Babe in film to keep guys interested. Until
Banner’s girlfriend Liv Tyler come into action later. Tyler not mind
Hulk thing. Hulk remind her of dad. Steven Tyler. Possibly. Much
location work. Overhead shots. Of slums. City of God vibe intended.
But this rubbish. Like everything else.
Tim Roth come on. As evil soldier. Fighting Hulk personal for him.
Roth typical evil Brit. Roth supposedly working for US army. Yet Roth
Brit. Critic annoyed by stereotyping. Roth get injected with serum.
Become Hulky supervillain. Smash cars. Tanks. Only with no trousers.
Roth groin area ambiguous. Groin area look lumpy. Bumpy. Perhaps odd
penis. Perhaps odd trousers. Critic … not sure.
Same old story. Superhero movie give superhero mirror-image
antagonist. Like in Spider-Man 3. Idea rubbish in Spider-Man 3. Idea
rubbish here. Hulk versus humanity important thing. Cancelled out
here. Basic problem … critic not believe Hulk angry. Hulk just roar.
It not look convincing. Not truly seem angry. Critic think about this.
Critic decide why. It because Hulk not swear. Hulk just say: “Hulk.
Smash” etc. If Hulk shout C-word … different matter. Then Hulk look
angry. Sound angry. Not here. Hulk genteel.
Critic remember Ang Lee version. Ang Lee version slagged off. Yet
rubbish new Hulk film make that look like Citizen Kane. Critic exit
cinema miffed. Film take away two hours of critic’s life. Critic not
get time back. Ever. Rarrrrr.
Nenhum comentário ainda.